Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
what day is it and did you see me today?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
