you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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