You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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