Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
