A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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