I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
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Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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