In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
