He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
