Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
