I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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