I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
