So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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