Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
