Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
