nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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