Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
