Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
