sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
