They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
