i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
