so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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