We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
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You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
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It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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