I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
