Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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