Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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