Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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