I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
