Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We need a shit load of segways right now
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
