omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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