Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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