Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
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Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
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If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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