I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
