Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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