we're chasing vodka with high fives
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
