they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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