Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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