and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
