This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
