i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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