So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
