Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
