Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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