If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
