so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
