I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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