Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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