Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize