ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you inspire me to be a worse person
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
