I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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