I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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