i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
