I must be too annoying 4 u.
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
