Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
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The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
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I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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