i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
