just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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