Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
