Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
