the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
