I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
