She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
