Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
