Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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