You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
