i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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